Is it selfish to choose not to have kids?

Notice who gets called selfish. It's almost never the forty-year-old bachelor with the boat. It's the woman who says she doesn't want kids, and the word arrives with a whole wagon train of judgment about her womanhood, her warmth, her future regret. 'Selfish' here's a leash. It's the same word once used for women who wanted jobs, or divorces, or birth control. When a moral vocabulary is applied to exactly one gender for making the same choice men make freely, the vocabulary is doing social control, not ethics. Retire the word or apply it evenly. You won't apply it evenly.